Memorandum of Surrender
The deal that President Trump penned to start peace talks in the illegal conflict in Iran is, not only a cheap imitation of the JCPOA, a complete and total embarrasment in a long line of many others.
Its finally over, huh?
After 16 weeks, starting with Ayatolla Ali Khameni’s assassination back in Febuary (nearly four months ago as im writing this), it finally came to an end, with a Memorandum of Understanding being signed by the two sides on Wednesday.
We may have started an illegal war, brought gas prices up to extremely high levels, therefore stopping the global oil market dead, due to the Strait being closed, but at least it has, ended, least for now. After this, a 60 day clock has begun, for us to hit the negotiating table with Tehran to talk about, among other things, the future of their nuclear program. (Ill get to this in a sec.)
We started this, in the first place, because of one thing: Iran not having a nuclear weapon. (The specifics of whether or not they should are a conversation that I dont feel comfortable having, and have probably been done better than I could even dream of)
And you'd think, that after 16 weeks of senseless fighting, that caused the deaths of 13 US service members, that this agreement would be worth it, no? To give some reason, to get something, out of this idiotic and stupid conflict, but no.
What we got, was just embarrasing.
Thats what I’ll (at least try to) do today. Go over, to the best of my ability, the 14 points, explain why this is a foreign policy humiliation for this country and how it, effectively spat on the lives of the 13 US service members who died because of this.
Let’s start with Point 1, which outlines the stoppage of hostilites:
Nothing out of ordinary here, for the most part. Just another “lets stop fighting” clause that’s in every agreement/ treaty. (Although, it looks as though Bibi and Lebanon might throw these potential talks into chaos, but thats another disscussion for later)
Point 2 also isnt insanely out of left field in terms of agreements either:
The United States of America and the Islamic Republic of Iran undertake to respect each other’s sovereignty and territorial integrity and to refrain from interfering in each other’s internal affairs.
Point 3 makes things a little bit more shocking, and by shocking, I mean embarrasing:
The United States of America and the Islamic Republic of Iran commit to negotiating and achieving the final deal in maximum 60 days, extendable with mutual consent.
All of this, the 13 soldiers who died, the absoule mania that happened, (and still kind of is) happening with gas prices the world over thanks to Iran closing the Strait, the Iranian citizens killed, all of it, and you didnt even get a sembelence of anything permanent to delude yourself into thinking that you got something out of this senseless war?
The best you could do, is a “lets talk about this later” agreement? Are you serious?
I do not have a background in foreign policy, if that wasn’t immensely obvious, but most people, including those who do have foriegn policy backgrounds and those who dont, can tell you that this an an embarrasment.
It only gets more embarrasing as we get to Points 4 & 5 (specifically 5)
4 — Immediately upon the signing of this MOU, the United States of America will begin the removal of its naval blockade and any disturbances or impediments against the Islamic Republic of Iran, and will fully end the naval blockade within 30 days. During this period, the traffic of vessels will be in proportion to the numbers of pre-war traffic being restored by the Islamic Republic of Iran. The United States of America further undertakes to remove its forces from the proximity of the Islamic Republic of Iran within 30 days after the final deal.
5 — Upon the signing of this MOU, the Islamic Republic of Iran will make arrangements using its best efforts for the safe passage of commercial vessels with no charge, for 60 days only, from the Persian Gulf to the Sea of Oman and vice versa. The traffic of commercial vessels will immediately start, and considering the need for removing the technical and military obstacles, and demining by the Islamic Republic of Iran will be instated within 30 days. The Islamic Republic of Iran will conduct dialog with the Sultanate of Oman to define the future administration and maritime services in the Strait of Hormuz in discussion with other Persian Gulf littoral states in line with the applicable international law and the sovereign rights of coastal states of the Strait of Hormuz.
“with no charge”, even after the Iranians said they plan to collect maritime service fees. Gotta poke a hole in that one, Donald.
Points 6 & 7 are perhaps the most damning of them all:
6 — The United States of America undertakes with regional partners to develop a definitive, mutually agreed plan with at least USD 300 billion for the reconstruction and economic development of the Islamic Republic of Iran. The mechanism for the implementation of this plan will be finalized as part of a final deal within 60 days. All required licenses, waivers and permissions needed for the relevant financial transactions will be granted by the United States of America.
7 — The United States of America undertakes to terminate all types of sanctions against the Islamic Republic of Iran, including the United Nations Security Council resolutions, IAEA Board of Governors resolutions, and all unilateral US sanctions, primary and secondary, in an agreed upon schedule as part of the final deal. The Islamic Republic of Iran and the United States of America acknowledge the critical importance of the sanctions termination issue above mentioned, and expressed their intentions to immediately address these issues in the negotiations in order to achieve mutual agreement on them.
Again, I am not a foriegn policy advisor, no background in it, none of it. But this, THIS, is an embarrasment.
You mean to tell me, that not only did we start this with strikes on the country, assassinating the leader, being the bringer of disaster when it comes to gas prices, further compounding the affordability issue that the Red Nazi’s have failed to address, and being, for lack of better word, sonned by Iran, we’re giving them $300B?
What? Giving them 300 billion, no doubt being funded by taxpayers, to build themselves back up? After, according to Defense Secratary Pete Hegseth, who is better in a pub than in the Situation Room, “ Iran was put in a position where they had to come to the table and undertake this”.
Correct me if im wrong here, but we did not force Iran to the negotiating table. If anything, the opposite occured. Starting a foolish war, striking the country to “stop them from having a nuclear weapon”, us blockading the Strait and stopping oil traffic dead in its tracks, and drafting this agreement giving Iran a 300 billion dollar check, IN ADDITION to ending all US sanctions against Iran, is not us forcing them to the negotiating table. For all intents and purposes, we got nothing out of this. Actually, no, let me drop the “For all intents and purposes” bit.
We got nothing out of this deal. We brought oil and natrual gas traffic to a grinding halt, fot what? We lost 13 US soldiers and struck a girls school in Iran for what?
For over 3 months, oil and natural gas exports were brought to a near, if not total, halt for what? We compounded the affordability crisis for what? A fucking boy scout pledge to “please dont make nukes”? Get the hell out.
Speaking of “stopping Iran from having a nuclear weapon”, we have Point 8:
The Islamic Republic of Iran reaffirms that it shall not procure or develop nuclear weapons. The United States of America and the Islamic Republic of Iran have agreed to resolve the disposition of stockpiled enriched material pursuant to a mechanism that will be mutually agreed upon in accordance with the schedule mentioned in paragraph seven, with the minimum methodology to be down blended on site under the supervision of the IAEA. The two parties also agreed to discuss the issue of enrichment and other mutually agreed matters related to the Islamic Republic of Iran’s nuclear needs, based on a satisfactory framework being agreed upon in the final deal. The final deal will confirm the provisions of this paragraph. The United States of America and the Islamic Republic of Iran acknowledge the critical importance of the nuclear issues above mentioned. They express their intention to immediately address these issues in the negotiations in order to achieve mutual agreement on them.
This pretty much confirmed suspisions that this is just a repackaged, (and somewhat worse) version of the JCPOA the US agreed to under the second Obama term, and the US was pulled out of it by guess who?
The Orange Idiot himself. Nice. (Sarcasm, if it wasnt clear)
So you pull us out of an agreement designed to limit Iranian nuclear capabilities, eventually start a war to make sure they “never have one”, then sign an agreement, which lets face it, is a complete and total embarrasment to the States on the world stage, thats pretty much the same thing, but much much worse?
Not a foreign policy nut, but this is just bad.
Points 9-11 are a bit more down to Earth compared to the fuckshow we saw above, but still hammers home the point told by the comic below, how we got scratched and scratched by Tehran, gave them a 300 billion dollar check and unfroze the sanctions, and delusionally think that we have even a shred of leverage:
And heres the text:
9 — Pending the final deal, the United States of America and the Islamic Republic of Iran agree to maintain the status quo. The Islamic Republic of Iran will maintain the current status quo of its nuclear program, and the United States of America will not impose any new sanctions and will not deploy additional forces in the region.10 — The United States of America undertakes that immediately upon the signing of this MOU and until the termination of sanctions, US Department of Treasury will issue waivers for the export of Iranian crude oil, petroleum products and derivatives, and all associated services, including banking transactions, insurances, transportation, etc.
11 — The United States of America undertakes to make fully available for use the frozen or restricted funds and assets of the Islamic Republic of Iran upon the implementation of this MOU. The United States of America and the Islamic Republic of Iran will mutually agree on the procedures related to the release of these funds during negotiations. Such funds, whether retained in the original account or transferred, shall be made fully usable for payment to any ultimate beneficiary designated by the Central Bank of the Islamic Republic of Iran. The United States of America undertakes to issue all necessary licenses and authorizations accordingly.
Point 11..you unfroze and and gave them back all the restricted assets (no doubt including cash)? Im out of ways to call this embarrasing, so ill just keep it simple and call it that.
Final three points? Enforcement and implementation:
12 — The United States of America and the Islamic Republic of Iran agree that an executive mechanism will be established to monitor the successful implementation of this MOU and the future compliance of the final deal.
13 — After signing this MOU, and subject to the beginning of the implementation of paragraphs 1, 4, 5, 10 and 11 of this MOU, and the continuing implementation of these measures, the United States of America and the Islamic Republic of Iran will start negotiations regarding the final deal exclusively on the other paragraphs.
14 — The final deal will be endorsed by a binding UNSC resolution.
My god, that was a shit show. 14 points that effectively gave Iran so much, after they beat us good. Giving them a $300B check? Crazy.
And whats even more funny, (or embarrasing, depending on how you see it) is that, as I was finishing this up, with neogiations happening, Trump has just went completely off his gourd, saying of Iran’s closure of the Strait after Israel broke a term of the deal
““You close the strait and you won’t have a country.”, after talks for a more concrete deal than this pile of wank, began in Switzerland yesterday.
Whole different can of worms, but watch this space.